What to Do When Your Virgo Man is Angry?

A Virgo’s temper can be so mild you won’t even know when they’re getting upset. This is good when you want to avoid arguments. But it doesn’t help you know when you’re crossing a line.

Part of the point of getting angry is to signal to others when they are crossing your boundaries. Yet Virgo personality is not designed to make these signals obvious.

One of the most impressive Virgo traits is their ability to keep a level head even when under pressure. They analyze and seldom take things personally. Yet even Virgo men have a tipping point.

What Anger Means To a Virgo Man

Virgo thinks most emotions are a waste of time. To a Virgo, revenge is perhaps the biggest waste of time. As a perfectionist, he believes success is the best revenge. Yet he can’t ignore his feelings.

This is a source of frustration to him. While he can be efficient and productive because he puts his feelings aside, he can also make things more difficult. When he doesn’t acknowledge his frustration, it grows to become anger.

As his anger develops, he’ll get mad at himself for not being able to use his intellect to outsmart his feelings. It adds fuel to the fire because he’ll be angry at the disruption and distraction that anger creates.

On top of being angry about the original trigger, he’ll be even more angry because now the feeling of anger is holding him up from doing his work. By the time you see his anger, it’s amplified by this disruption you’re seeing.

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How He Shows His Anger

Virgo men show their anger in a unique and confusing way. Unlike an angry Pisces man who becomes sulky or Libra anger that is intellectualized and righteous, Virgo men ignore their anger. They stifle it for as long as possible.

Virgo men will feel the slow simmer of anger the way someone with a high tolerance to pain will feel a hot stove as slightly warm. By the time he admits his finger is burned, there is already some damage done.

He’ll try to talk himself out of his anger. After all, what good does it do to be mad? He tries to be a perfectionist and purist. To him, anger is a base and instinctive emotion. He’ll do his best to rationalize the situation.

He may do this aloud, talking himself through stress. He may show signs that seem more like anxiety, talking faster, pacing or acting fidgety. His tone may change, but he won’t yell.

How To Diffuse His Anger

Imagine driving a car with a broken gas meter. You’ll have to guess when your fuel is low and hope you’re correct. If you’re not paying close attention, you may just run out of gas and get stuck.

This is what it’s like trying to figure out if a Virgo man is angry. It’s hard to diffuse a situation if you don’t know the level of intensity.

Yet you won’t know it because he doesn’t make it obvious. Look for what appears to be anxiety.

When you see him breathing shallow, hear him speaking faster or hear him perseverating on the same points again and again, take this as more than stress.

This is not just stress, but the early sparks of anger brewing. Don’t call it anger, he won’t see it as such.

Instead, try to encourage him to breathe, slow down and ground himself. Virgo men are practical. They do well with tangible signals. Ask him what he needs right now. If he expresses need for space, air or breathing room, give him space.

Don’t try to follow him to talk him through the feelings. Instead help him do something physical to release the energy. Cleaning, fixing things or even sex are great outlets for this tension.

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How To Communicate With an Angry Virgo Man

Do Virgo men forgive? Yes, but their willingness to forgive is also dependent on what goes on during the conflict. If you react to their stress and anger and say things on impulse, that can backfire.

He may take what you say to heart. One thing a Virgo man doesn’t do, is to vent his frustration and say things impulsively. Even if he raises his voice, he won’t say what he doesn’t mean.

But if you do, he won’t forgive and forget easily. As counterproductive as it seems, its best to encourage him to release the tension and stress when he is finally starting to escalate. He’ll naturally suppress his emotions but this isn’t good for him.

Once he’s de-escalated, let him see that you are willing to work through the issue at hand. He’s very forgiving if he sees others are willing to work with him.

Talk in terms of problem solving. Ask him what he needs, not how he’s feeling.

Don’t focus on explaining yourself and making justifications until he’s calm. He’ll want to talk about making things better, this is when explanations are productive.

Give Him Space

This is important. Instinctively, you may want to follow him, blow up his phone or keep talking about the situation to prove your point. You may want to resolve things instantly. You may want to work it out before walking away.

This can backfire. Give him space to walk away. Walking (or cleaning, exercising or tinkering in his workshop) is a great outlet for him. He may go quiet, but rest assured he’s thinking.

He’s planning and processing and this is essential for him. He needs to explore and analyze the situation.

If you pressure him for a response or resolution it won’t likely be the one you want. You may worry about distance, but this is actually helpful.

Trust him to take time to himself. Trust him to not completely give up communication because of a stressful situation. He’s usually too responsible and practical to do so.

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Focus On Actions, Not Personal Traits

If you have any doubts about the strengths of a Virgo man, there are plenty of beautiful Virgo quotes and memes that show his conscientiousness and thoughtfulness. Remember that even the frustrating aspects of his personality also show his strengths.

It’s a good thing that he’s patient, modest and resourceful. His independence and attention to detail save you a lot of trouble when you need help. He’s likely don’t many helpful things for you and never asked for anything in return.

So when things get tough, focus on actions, not traits. Rather than calling him stubborn (even though it can be true) point out the behavior of doing everything the same time consuming way even though you were in a hurry and his pace is going to make you both late.

This way you’re not shaming him or criticizing him. Personal traits are hard to change. Behaviors are less personal.

He’s more open to discussing actions and behaviors that contribute to problems than he is to just blaming the problem on something inherent in his personality.

Rather than calling him judgmental (he can be) point out that you get upset when he criticizes your family. Talk about specific things that are problematic, don’t describe him as the problem.

Focus On The Current Issue

Along those lines, focus on the current issue. If he’s mad, he is not likely to dredge up ancient history. The exception to this is if he’s been stifling his anger over a recurrent issue. Lateness is a good example.

Aside from his compulsion to follow tedious routines, he’s usually very timely. Yet if you are repeatedly late he’ll become frustrated. He may not say anything the first time. He may drop subtle hints the second and third times.

By the time he starts to emote his anger it may be related to issues that started months ago. Try to focus on one issue or situation at a time. Don’t be tempted to say “And another thing!”

Wait until his anger is de-escalated and then get into other issues in an assertive way once you’ve resolved one issue. If you go in too many different directions trying to take on every relationship conflict, he’ll shut down.

He gets overwhelmed enough dealing with anger about one issue or pattern. He really just wants to get back to a steady baseline as soon as possible. Going in too many directions at once will stress him out.

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Try to Problem Solve Together

There is a reason that Virgo quotes for Instagram usually contain the phrase “I think” and not “I feel.” He’s not one to try to deal with emotions let alone process them. He is one to focus on solving problems, though.

You may not get an eloquent explanation of his feelings. Don’t expect much in the way of apologies.

The biggest thing an angry Virgo man will do to make things better is to work toward solving whatever problem triggered his anger.

One of the best things you can do is show that you’re willing to help him solve the problem. If it isn’t something you can realistically work on with him, show him you’re going to examine and work on your side of the conflict.

Show that you understand why he’s upset but also know actions will speak louder than words. Refocusing on solving the problem puts him back in his security zone and allows him to feel productive again.