How to Talk to a Virgo Man About Feelings

When a Virgo man stares at you, you may have a hunch that he’s attracted. Is it really a sign of his deeper feelings? You may feel like you’re seeing physical signs a Virgo man likes you.

You’ll want to have validation that what you’re dealing with is a Virgo man in love. At some point you need to know how to get him to talk about his feelings.

This is easier said than done. He goes to great lengths to hide his feelings and suppress his deep emotional desires. He’s a purist and it doesn’t faze him to intellectualize his emotions.

1. Avoid Using the Word “Feelings” Directly at First

It may sound like a riddle, but if you really want to get a Virgo man to talk about his feelings, don’t use the word “feelings.” At least not at first. He isn’t consciously trying to hide things from you.

As an Earth Sign, his focus is practical. He wants to be in control, efficient and productive. He’s detail oriented and intellectual. How he feels is not only a puzzle to him, it also feels unimportant.

Feelings don’t fix a flat tire. Feelings don’t put food on the table or heal a broken ankle, so, he rationalizes, what good are they? Until a Virgo man becomes attracted to you.

Then he has to admit, at some point, that his emotions exist. But he doesn’t like to, its unfamiliar and vulnerable. When you talk emotions, phrase your words in practical terms.

You may want to first focus on what he likes about your time together. Role model by talking about what you like about the time you spend together. Then gradually move on to talking about what you like about him.

This way, you’re letting him know your feelings without being sentimental about it. You’re putting feelings into a safe context that is Virgo-friendly.

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2. Make Sure You’ve Got His Undivided Attention

If you want to tell if a Virgo man is interested in you and you feel it’s time for a serious conversation, make sure you choose your timing. A Virgo man is tied to his routines.

If you’re trying to go deeper to get him to reveal his emotions, you have to be respectful of his other commitments. If he’s busy or has other things on his mind, he’ll be more aloof or even defensive.

If you have his undivided attention, then you want to create a comfortable atmosphere. Try to avoid putting any pressure on him. Make the conversation as casual as possible. He’ll appreciate your direct and candid tone.

When you talk to a Virgo man about his feelings, try to keep your own anxieties and insecurities at bay. Don’t overwhelm him by lavishing your needs or hopes onto him. Give him breathing room.

3. Use Assertive “I Statements,” then Check in With Him

To further help you set the tone, describe your own emotions from your own perspective using what therapists call “I statements.” Start off the conversation telling him what you feel in calm and direct ways.

Rather than starting off by asking him what he’s feeling, start by telling him how you feel. Then check in with him. Don’t try to pull more out of him. Expect him to respond in surface ways at first.

He may talk about his feelings by making observations or focusing on what he’s doing or tasks he’s done rather than how he’s feeling. Don’t get discouraged. This is a warm up for him.

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4. Ask for His “Opinion” Rather than “Emotions”

As he continues to get comfortable with you, you can also warm up to more emotional discussions by asking him about his opinions. Doing this gives you the chance to get insight into what he may be feeling about a subject.

If you want to know how he feels about a date you had, ask his opinion of the movie you saw. Ask his opinion about a situation to get a doorway opened that can lead to his feelings.

Ask for his opinion about something going on in your life. A Virgo man in love will go above and beyond to be helpful. If he’s really interested he’ll go from giving advice to actively trying to help you.

5. Focus on Observable Behavior when Talking About Feelings

Chances are, he’ll show you his feelings long before a Virgo man says “I love you.” To know what he’s really feeling, focus on physical signs.

Does he offer to do things for you? Does he change his schedule to be with you? Does he try to solve all of your problems and even some you didn’t know you had?

If the answer is yes, he’s really attracted to you. If he tries to see you regularly and does things to try to help you succeed, it’s a sign he loves you.

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6. Be Patient, He Needs to Shift from Intellect to Emotional Focus

If you’re wondering whether a Virgo man will test you, rest assured he won’t. He’s too honest and direct for mind games. What may seem like a test or a game is usually his inner shift between emotion and thought.

You can use this to your advantage. Even when he shifts to rationalization and thought, meet him there. Bring your attention to the rational and logical. Look at this as his way of asking for a time out.

Let him retreat to the security of his intellect and engage with him through discussion of his thoughts and ideas. Then, when he seems relaxed and attentive, try to bring the conversation into the emotional realm.

Ask him about how he feels about the situation you are discussing. This gives him a more useful framework than simply asking what he’s feeling now or how he feels about you.

7. Focus on His Emotions in One Situation at a Time

Once you start to make progress getting him to open up about his feelings, let him retreat back to more neutral subjects. You may be tempted to say; “While we’re on the subject, what about…”and then bring up other issues.

Don’t do this. It’s too overwhelming for him. Let him show vulnerability in very small doses. He needs to vacillate between emotional and logical so don’t hold him captive in an ongoing conversation about one emotional issue after another.

Get him to talk about his feelings about one situation and unless he continues down that path, step back a little and let him return to his comfort zone. When he gets more comfortable, he’ll show more ease talking about his feelings.

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8. Take Baby Steps and Let Him Catch Up with You

A Virgo man is infinitely patient and in this situation he needs you to be patient with him. Think of it like he’s learning to walk through the landscape of emotion. When he’s ready to pick up the pace, you’ll know.

Don’t run past him in the meantime. Instead gradually ease into these conversations. Respect the boundaries he shows you. If he makes it clear a topic is off limits, don’t try to go over or under his boundaries.

9. Talk about Less Vulnerable Emotions First

Don’t start off with his most painful, gruesome, intense, open feelings right away. Even positive emotions like love are a little too intense early on. Keep it light and closer to the surface first.

Talk about how he feels about things. Then about situations. Then talk about how he feels about people. “But I just want to know how he feels about our relationship!” you may say.

That’s understandable. But he needs to be primed for a more serious emotional conversation by getting accustomed to less serious emotional conversations. Start out with conversations that aren’t threatening to him emotionally.

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10. Give Him Plenty of Breathing Room After Emotional Conversations

Another crucial step in creating an open flow of emotional conversation is to give long pauses between such discussions. Think of it like swimming, for him. He needs to come up for air after being under water.

In fact, he may take this breathing room for himself without even thinking about it. Don’t be surprised if he’s quiet after an emotional conversation. This is normal. He’s trying to rationalize his feelings. Let him have a chance to regroup.

A Virgo man needs to interrogate himself about his inner world. Also, don’t be surprised if he says plainly that he doesn’t know how he feels. He may not know or he may want to perfect his explanation of his feelings.

Usually when this happens, he’ll take time to reflect and think about it, then follow up later with a more thoughtful response. Be open to a more thorough reply even a week after the original conversation.