Are Cancer Men Submissive in a Relationship?

Understanding a Cancer man’s personality is important. Otherwise you’ll easily be confused by his eclectic variety of mixed signals. When you see signs a Cancer man has feelings for you, he may suddenly shut down.

You may wonder if he’s being submissive or if he’s lost interest. In the early stages of dating a Cancer man it may seem nearly impossible for him to come out of his shell.

Cancer men can be submissive under most circumstances, especially when they are still getting to know you. Once they feel comfortable, it’s common for them to become more assertive.

He’s Selectively Submissive

A Cancer man’s lack of communication doesn’t always mean he’s lost interest. When a Cancer man is done with you, he’ll make it clear. Yet when he’s just gone intermittently quiet, and then comes back around, it’s usually because he’s being shy.

Telling a Cancer man how you feel can be a good way to get him to feel comfortable and open up to you more. Even when he does, he may wait for signals from you first. In this way, he is deferring to you to set the pace of the relationship.

A Cancer man is highly sensitive, and he acts passive to avoid getting hurt. He may be intensely attached to you and have a strong connection to you. But he doesn’t like to take the lead. It makes him feel to exposed. He would rather hold his feelings back and see if you open up first.

The top thing you need to know about a Cancer man, and ex-girlfriends will tell you this about him, is that he can be confusing because of his mood swings. He may seem outgoing and assertive one moment.

But the next day, a Cancer man gone quiet will make you wonder if you did something wrong. Don’t personalize his ebb and flow of confidence. It is usually an indicator of how secure or insecure he feels at a given moment.

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He’s Mostly Passive

A Cancer man is more passive than not. On the rare occasions when he shows an assertive side, it actually takes a lot of energy for him to do so. He needs to build himself up to show confidence.

There are a few exceptions to this. They are all driven by his emotions. If his passions are triggered, he can become intense. This can be the case if he is suddenly passionately in love with you. He may then be determined to chase you down.

Another exception to a Cancer man’s submissive nature is if he feels strong protective instincts over his home, family or loved ones or an issue that is important to him. His protective side is intense. He may be a pushover when it comes to how he is treated.

Yet if anyone crosses the line with his family or loved ones, he can instantly become defensive and show a whole different side. He will go to any lengths to protect those he loves or defend his home. He can go from teddy bear to grizzly bear in an instant if he needs to.

Don’t underestimate this potential in a Cancer man. He’ll usually let you know if you’re crossing a line early on. If you keep pushing the boundaries, he’ll go into defensive more and be anything but passive.

His bouts of assertiveness during the courtship in a relationship are usually a more pleasant display of his dominant energy. He may go to extremes to see you or get your attention. He may insist you’re his Soul Mate and future wife on the second date.

He Avoids Conflicts

You don’t have to worry about any signs a Cancer man is playing you. He almost doesn’t have the capacity for deception. This is because he goes out of his way to avoid conflicts.

This is another benefit of his mostly passive nature. He’ll continually defer to you if it means avoiding an argument. He can be flexible about most things as long as it means you get to stay on good terms with each other.

A Cancer man is easily intimidated. Knowing this, he seeks to stay on good terms with others. He would rather be a people-pleaser than be confrontational. He tries to minimize disagreements and may seem passive when it comes to arguments.

He’ll find a way to duck out of an argument and when you need to confront him about a serious matter, he’ll tell you what you want to hear to quickly end the discussion. Also, he may turn up the emotion in order to get you to feel sorry for him and back off.

Cancer men can be very emotional, but they can also use their emotions as a defense. He would rather lead you to feel sorry for him or trigger a guilt trip than get into a confrontation and defend himself.

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Insecurities Make Him Submissive

Cancer men are insecure even on a good day. They seldom put themselves out on a limb because they don’t feel confident in themselves. His insecurities make him submissive to some extent.

He doesn’t want the vulnerability of being in charge or taking the lead. He can be passive and bow out of opportunities in which he could be successful, opting to not even try rather than face potential rejection or failure. With encouragement he’ll persevere.

He can be insecure about his potential and his talents, and this holds him back and makes him passive. He can also be insecure about his role in the relationship with you. If this is the case, he’ll act submissive to not upset you.

He Doesn’t Like Taking Charge

Being in the spotlight means all eyes are on him. This can be terrifying to a Cancer man. The irony is, there are many highly successful Cancer men in various fields that require such attention and leadership.

In many cases, what helped them take the lead was a deep urge to either protect their families (or extended sense of family as in Cancer presidents who wanted to protect their country). Also, he has a shrewd business instinct.

Many Cancer entrepreneurs become successful because their instincts to take charge outweigh their desire to stay out of the spotlight. Usually it is his intense passion and emotion that will compel him to take charge. He really prefers not to.

He would be much happier being a copilot where he doesn’t have the brunt of responsibilities, and the anxieties that go with it. He also doesn’t like to be the one whose decisions could cause others to be unhappy with him.

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He Can Hold a Grudge

You may think it’s great to be with a Cancer man whose passive nature makes him so easy to get along with. You’re correct, there are many wonderful aspects of living with a Cancer man.

But it’s not always healthy for him to hold back his feelings and allow others to dominate. One example of how his submissive nature can actually backfire, is that he is likely to hold a grudge.

A Cancer man feels deeply. Just because he agrees to disagree or because he doesn’t push back when you push his boundaries, doesn’t mean he has no feelings on the matter. In some ways, it would be better if he did assert himself more often.

That would help ensure he doesn’t carry the grudge of “losing” an argument just because he didn’t want to continue the debate. He also transfers his anger into a grudge because this way he can be passive-aggressive. This can be a problem in relationships.

He Can Builds Resentments

Just as a Cancer man’s ability to hold a grudge and inspire guilt trips is legendary, so is his ability to create resentments. This is an example of the downside of his submissive nature.

He’ll do anything for you when he’s in love with you, but it comes at a cost. The problem is, he doesn’t realize that he’s keeping a ledger in his subconscious mind. He’ll gladly go above and beyond for you, but a part of him is secretly keeping score.

He doesn’t like to admit this, even to himself. He’ll feel the resentments start to build as his efforts to please you aren’t matched. In fact, sometimes he can set the bar so high it’s nearly impossible to match his efforts.

At the same time, he’ll continue to have a nagging feeling that something isn’t right. He’ll come to the conclusion that you’re taking advantage of him. Often, he’s set the stage to be taken advantage of. Yet he doesn’t admit this.

He prefers to see himself as the victim, even if his submissive nature continually put him in that role in the first place. A Cancer man can be passive and agreeable, but when his submissiveness leads to resentments it can be toxic.

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He Has a Gentle Side

A Cancer man has a gentle side that leads him to be submissive and caring more often than not. Usually, even if you bypass his potential for resentments and grudges, a Cancer man really just wants to be the submissive one in the relationship.

He likes the idea of being your source of nurturing and encouragement, not the one who steers you in one direction or another. He can be sensitive and empathic and this can keep him from acting in assertive or direct ways.

A Cancer man would rather be known for his supportive role. Even in circumstances when he is in charge, such as a Cancer man who is also a CEO or supervisor, he would rather nurture the success of his employees than dominate them.