You may have heard of a Virgo man’s control freak nature. His reputation of being completely in control at all times is well known.
Is a Virgo man manipulative? No, but he needs to feel anchored and secure.
It’s not just a Virgo man’s insecurities in love that lead him to become a control freak. He’s actually quite controlling about every aspect of his life.
Among the top Virgo man characteristics are orderliness, practicality and the need to be in control. A Virgo man tries to use logic to control things.
Even when you see the signs of a Virgo man in love with you, he still won’t surrender this control. At best he will compromise to fit you into his life.
What Control Means to a Virgo Man
A Virgo man’s territorial nature will become obvious. Yet the reason he tries so hard to impose his strict rules on everyone around him are often misunderstood. You may ask yourself how does a Virgo man test you, assuming he is playing mind games.
He’s actually not testing you. He’s simply being true to his nature. A Virgo man will continue to follow his routines and regimens in or out of a relationship. He expects you to follow his lead or at least to not stand in his way.
A Virgo man sees control as a virtue. He doesn’t realize the impact his controlling behavior has on others. He doesn’t do it to control you or to dominate or demean you. Instead, your Virgo man is trying to maintain emotional security in his own life.
Virgo men aren’t good at managing emotions. He will push his emotions aside and try to deal with the world in as logical and rational a way as possible. A Virgo man will try to rationally make sense of the world.
He believes that if he can follow rules, then everyone else should follow methodical, predictable rules as well. He will try to control others as a means to create order and stability in his life.
How a Virgo Man Finds Security
A Virgo man, suddenly distant, may still be in love with you. When he pulls back or insists on having his way, it is not a reflection of his feelings for you. Instead it is all about his desire to feel secure.
Predictability and consistency make a Virgo man feel secure and he values this security above all else. If you’re wondering how to know when a Virgo man is done with you, look for evidence that he has completely gone into his own routines.
If he no longer schedules you into his life, it is a bad sign. If he feels he can’t maintain security and control in the relationship, he will bail out of the partnership even if he loves you.
But simply taking some time to himself is not a bad sign. Instead this is normal and a way for him to regain a sense of stability. A Virgo man will look for security by trying to do things on his own.
Virgo Men Try to Control Their Surroundings
In addition to being patient with a Virgo man, it’s essential to not interfere with his schedules or routines. If you think you’re helping him by cleaning his apartment or throwing away his old papers, he won’t see this as help.
He’ll likely panic instead. He knows exactly where everything is in his home, car and office. He will be deeply troubled if you don’t put things back exactly the way you found them.
A Virgo man may even go to extremes to control his surroundings. He may have his movie collection alphabetized or categorized by genre. He will keep his kitchen, clothes, and even obscure places like his attic and basement completely organized.
If you live with a Virgo man or spend a lot of time at his place, he will have a system of organizing everything. Even his pantry. Don’t interfere with this system. Get to know how he organizes things and defer to him rather than misplacing something.
He Controls You to Try to Protect You
When you leave the house he will question you. This isn’t because he doesn’t trust you. It’s because he wants to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything. Did you bring your keys? Do you have emergency money? Do you have directions to your destination?
It may seem like he’s nagging but he’s actually trying to help ensure that you are healthy and safe. Sometimes he is tone deaf in his attempts and comes across as cold. He may ask if you really need an extra portion of dinner, for example.
He’s not doing this to pick on you. He’s worried about your cholesterol. When he tries to get you to change, he isn’t trying to hurt your feelings. He is instead trying to make sure you are as healthy and successful as possible.
Usually a Virgo man isn’t overtly controlling over you. He respects your independence. If he is going to great lengths to control you, it may be that he feels something has happened that has jeopardized your judgment.
If you have trouble managing money, for example, he may be controlling about your finances. It may seem like he’s going a bit too far. The best thing to do in this case is to remind him that you are capable of managing the details of your own life.
He Doesn’t Trust His Instincts
A Virgo man, when hurt, doesn’t trust his emotions and instincts. This is why he tries to rationalize and intellectualize everything. He will dismiss his feelings and intuition and just analyze whatever he can observe with his physical senses.
A Virgo man is more likely to suppress his emotions than trust them. This is also a form of asserting control. Emotions are mysterious and complicated. He fears that emotions will consume him and detract from his rational tendencies.
For a Virgo man, disconnecting from his emotions is a key way for him to maintain a sense of intellectual and logical control over his surroundings. He will doubt anything he can’t measure and see with his five senses.
He’s Got Strong Boundaries
Another way a Virgo man can be a control freak is through his strong boundaries. Most people agree that healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. Yet usually a Virgo man’s boundaries are carved in stone.
This means he won’t waver on his numerous rules and personal policies. Even in a relationship. Even when he is madly in love with you, a Virgo man will insist on following his high standards.
He has no problem following a diet because he loves to follow strict rules. This means that he has rules for when he will and won’t talk on the phone. He has boundaries around his routines, when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up. He has rules for when or how he has sex.
A Virgo man expects you to follow his rules so he will make sure they are clear to you. This may seem like he is being demanding. In some ways he is. This is a further way for him to feel like he is in charge of his life.
When He Gets Too Controlling
Virgo men love boundaries and order. Use this to your advantage. When his controlling behavior goes too far over the edge, the best way to push back is not to confront him and tell him he’s too controlling. Instead, assert your own boundaries in return.
Don’t try to get him to loosen up when it comes to his own rules and controlling nature. But when it comes to his attempts to control you, know what your limits are. When he is overstepping your boundaries, let him know.
He isn’t always receptive to being told what to do. Yet he is receptive to respecting your own boundaries and rules. Let him know that he can follow his strict rules in his house, but in your house you will live your own lifestyle. Let him know you appreciate his advice.
When he gives you unsolicited advice, which he frequently will, let him know when he surpasses your limits. When he goes too far, make it clear that you appreciate his attempts to help but that you are following your own system.
He Needs Order and Organization
A Virgo man needs orderliness in his life. When his surroundings are messy or untidy he will personally feel as if his life has been thrown in to a crisis. He needs to feel like life makes sense.
Having his environment as stable and organized as possible lets a Virgo man operate under the illusion that his life is more in control. Though this is not always accurate, he is right about one thing.
Life is less chaotic when you don’t have to spend time looking for your wallet or keys, when your car maintenance is done and you don’t break down. He sees this as proof that the more meticulous he is, the less chaotic life will be.
How to Reassure Him
You can reassure a Virgo man to some extent. There is one major mistake you’ll want to avoid. Don’t jump right to directly trying to change his behavior. Trying to get him to release control over his surroundings will always backfire.
Instead, focus on his steady and underlying anxiety. He may not call this what it is and he may not speak openly about anxiety, but he does feel it as a steady undercurrent. It fuels his desire to always be prepared.
The best ways to reassure a Virgo man are to be consistent and reliable and be relaxed around him. Your low key energy and happy, reassuring personality will help naturally tone down his rough edges.
A Virgo man will then feel less tense just because he is in a peaceful environment enjoying his time with you. Don’t bring drama around him. The less chaos in your relationship, the better. Reassure him by not amplifying his anxiety.